Hit Upon by the Undesireable?

Hit upon by the undesirable? Sick of letting creeps off easy just because you don�t want a drink in the face? Looking for a fun and convenient way to break the hearts of pathetic masses? Look no further, kindred spirit, for we have the solution for you: the coastertoast!

It Works, Asshole

January 2nd, 2009 - Clarence

Ok, kids, here’s the spill: I get that you like the service we provide. I like it too. Seriously, it’s not only just that CT rocks – though it totally does – it is also that you fuckers are using the living shit out of it.

We here at the Coastertoast HQ have this big plasma screen right in the middle of the place that shows us every single one of the ass-handed emails that go through the system. Some are pleading confessions of love, some are backhanded requests to never speak again and some are nice, enticing flamebait from bucket-heads I just know are going to turn to jack and razors on receipt of their very own Coastertoast blast-to-the-face.

Some, however, really piss me off.

I am speaking directly to you, dude/lady who sends “test” to our service with your own fucking email address.

You don’t need to test the service. It fucking works. If you want the email contents, there’s a page for that here, shitstain.

As an act of frustration, I am going to post your email addresses, all of you who feel the need to test our services on yourselves. I’ll make a special category just for you.

Deal? I don’t give a shit. Deal.

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We have a team of magical unicorn riding cybernetic soul crushers working 'round the clock for your sick little whims. This is what they do.

They do it for you.

The PWN3D

They get the email and for whatever reason - maybe they're drunk, maybe they're damaged, maybe they're just good, old fashioned, corn pone country stupid - they keep responding.

Are you in here? I hope so.

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