Current Rejection Email
Dear Whogivesacrap,
You’ve just been Coastertoasted, my dear chump.
Apparently, the person that gave you this email address did not find you at all suitable to be his or her mate, friend, or even maliciously objectified pastime. And worse, he or she did not respect you enough to tell you to your face. Thus, I am afraid that you have two options: give up the ghost and dig yourself a hole (might we suggest 6 feet or deeper), or empower yourself via revenge. In other words, go out and Coastertoast some chumps for yourself! As enticing as the hole may sound, believe us here at Coastertoast when we say that nothing heals a broken heart faster than the satisfaction of breaking an other’s. Make us proud!
Maybe you have questions; our most popular are “Why me?”, “Who on Earth would do such a thing?” and “Whose lame brain idea was this anyway?”. All of this (and more) can be found out at… say it with me, kids… Coastertoast.com.
Until then, get your ugly face out of that noose and back out on the playing field. Who knows? You might just get a real contact this time!
Love,
Clarence & Alabama, your friendly neighborhood Coastertoasters
P.S. We care about your Coastertoasting, and welcome you to rate your experience and provide feedback. We made you look like a damn fool; it’s the least we can do, after all.